I will be bold and not afraid, knowing that He is always with me even when it is difficult to see. I will walk through and when I can no longer stand on my own,
I know that He will carry us.
Monday, November 2, 2009
The Muck and The Mire
We had a good evening tonight. I came home from work and made us dinner. He stayed for a little bit after dinner and then left for his parents' house, where he has been living this entire time. Yet after he left, feelings of inadequacy started to overwhelm me. Am I not beautiful? What did I do so wrong? Am I such a horrible person from the inside out? I feel like I need reassurance, but his words and actions have not been enough to pacify my despair. When will these questions begin to dissipate? Will they ever? I thought that I had already worked through these emotions. But, it seems that I am cycling through them all over again. When I looked in the mirror this evening, I saw a woman looking back at me who could not make her husband happy. A woman who was simply not enough. I had made the decision when I woke this morning that I was ready to put the past behind me. But, how do I rebuild my own self-worth? How do I learn to love myself again?